


The One with the Meddling Matchmakers

by angstbot



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), Swen, swan queen - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 20:50:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21062996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstbot/pseuds/angstbot
Summary: Everyone keeps trying to convince Emma and Regina to date.





	The One with the Meddling Matchmakers

Regina’s ass looked fantastic in that skirt, Emma decided, watching her walk out of Granny’s like she knew the sheriff’s eyes were glued to her backside, which they were.

“You know, Emma, it’s natural to have needs.”

Emma started, feeling her face grow hot at having been caught. Turning, she saw Archie regarding her with his paternalistic therapist look.

“Yeah, I got that. Thanks for the tip.” She was aiming for short enough to shut him down, but not enough to be rude.

“I think you two would be very compatible.”

_“Good girl,” Regina hummed, shoving her toward one of Granny’s bar stools. “Bend over.” _

_As soon as she had, Regina slapped the insides her thighs to make her spread. Her mouth was on her in the next second, claiming her pussy like it was the tribute due to her as queen. Her tongue was relentless, demanding Emma’s pleasure, and she was only too happy to go along. _

_She pushed her tongue inside and Emma whimpered. She flicked her tongue under her hood, making her twitch hard. Then she began sucking, swirling her tongue, and Emma felt the pleasure building low in her belly. _

_When, after long electric moments, Regina bit down lightly on her clit, Emma’s entire body went rigid in orgasm, then shuddered uncontrollably in the aftermath._

“Emma. Emma!”

She shook herself. “What?”

Granny was holding out a brown paper bag. “Your lunch is ready.”

“Oh, thanks, um.” She smiled weakly, feeling caught even though obviously no one had been able to see the memory she’d just been reliving. Thank god, because if Granny ever found out what they’d done in here after hours, nobody would ever find their bodies.

She took the bag. As she turned to go, Archie called out after her, “You should think about what I said.”

“Yeah, sure, see you later Archie.”

**

_You will never guess the awkward conversation I had earlier at Granny’s_.

**You’ll have to tell me tonight. Your mother is here. Something about the PTA.**

_Try not to kill her, okay?_

**I wouldn’t! **After a moment, she added, **Anymore. **Regina smiled as she set the phone down.

“Who are you texting?”

“Emma, why?”

“You’re just smiling a lot,” Snow said in a singsong voice, smiling quite a lot herself.

Regina briefly regretted that she in fact would not kill Snow anymore. “What about it?”

“Oh, you two are just really cute.” She was almost vibrating with it.

“I have never in my life been cute,” Regina said, crossing her arms and dropping her voice into its lowest, most dangerous register.

“I don’t know, I just think she makes you pretty happy is all.”

Regina rolled her eyes, and then her gaze fell on the kitchen counter.

_She hopped up on the counter and crossed her legs, staring Emma down. “I’m sure you were fantasizing about being face-first in my hot, wet cunt, Ms. Swan. Get to it." The spread of her legs in the next moment was a silent command. _

_"I don't know, Regina, to hear you talk about it, sounds like that was _your _fantasy." _

_Emma came toward her, but took her time about it, and it seemed like an eternity before she leaned and stroked her tongue up the length of her sex torturously slowly. For long moments she stroked seemingly aimlessly, just brushing her clit with just the sides of her tongue. Slowly, so- so slowly, her circles tightened until at last she was tonguing her directly. _

_“Your head looks so good between my legs,” Regina taunted to keep from sighing in relief._

_“Oh?” Emma asked, pulling her mouth away, then exhaling hotly against her. A lick. “You like me down here?” Lick. “Maybe I’ll stay a while.” Lick. “I wouldn’t want to stop-” lick “looking good-” lick “for you-” lick “too soon.” _

_Regina growled and grabbed Emma by the hair so that she could fuck her face. Her stroking instantly became steady and relentless. _

_“Yes!” Regina hissed. Before long, she was coming hard._

“Regina? Regina!”

She started. “What?”

“Your eyes kind of glazed over. What were you thinking about?”

“Oh, just that I need to get around to wiping down the counters.” She smiled.

**

“Hey, Ems, you wanna go to the Rabbit Hole tonight?”

When Emma looked up from the arrest report she was finishing, Ruby looked so hopeful leaning against her desk that Emma hated to have to turn her down, but what she had planned for tonight was definitely worth it. “I wish I could. But I’m-”

“Having dinner at Regina’s,” Ruby finished for her, totally deadpan.

“What- I- How did you know?

“You’re always having dinner at Regina’s.” She chuckled. “You two should just date already.”

“We’re finally getting along, being good moms to Henry, and that’s what you come up with?” Emma knew she sounded a little petulant.

Ruby crossed her arms and gave her a _look_. “Oh come on, you’re going to tell me you only hang around with Regina because of Henry?”

“No, of course not. I enjoy her company, but you don’t need to make a big thing out of it, is all.” She hoped her shrug was casual.

Ruby raised an eyebrow. “And you never noticed that Regina is mind-meltingly hot?”

“I mean yeah, she’s good looking.”

“Good looking?” Ruby scoffed. “You’re hopeless.”

“Okay, okay! She’s hot,” Emma had to concede.

“And you guys should totally do it already.” She looked triumphant.

“Oh my god. You’re a mess.”

“Come on. The way she moves? That woman is liquid sex. I bet she could have 2 or 3 orgasms.”

_“More,” Regina shuddered out. _

_Emma’s fingertips circled once more, then eased inside again, and fuck- it was so goddamn hot and tight being up Regina’s ass. When both fingers were in up to the hilt, she stroked her thumb over her clit, and her hips snapped up like a marionette as she gave an honest-to-god whimper._

_“Okay?”_

_“It’s so good, Emma, but I can’t- I’m overw- Too good. Too much. I can’t.”_

_God, she was beautiful, wrecked like this. “You’re doing such a good job, baby. Just come for me one more time. Here,” she said, then crawled down to use her tongue on the queen’s clit rather than her thumb as she started to fuck her ass at a steady pace. _

_After a few moments of easy stroking with tongue and fingers, Regina started to move toward her again, trying to get her impossibly deeper, making a little desperate noise deep in her throat._

_“You are so fucking hot,” Emma murmured, looking up at her in wonder._

_Her only response was a sob of ecstasy._

_Emma started moving faster now, trying to coax out every last bit of pleasure Regina had in her, slipping her thumb inside her pussy too. _

_A litany of “Yes”-es started to fall out of Regina’s mouth in time with Emma fucking her, getting louder and louder before slurring into incoherence. She could feel her tightening around her fingers almost painfully, but it was so fucking good that she moaned against a mouthful of pussy. Regina came with a shriek._

_“Seven,” Emma murmured, pulling her fingers out and then pulling the glove inside out and off. “Seven, my beautiful girl,” she said, kissing one hipbone and then the other. “You came for me seven times.”_

It was only when Ruby said, “Okay, you can’t tell me you’re not fantasizing about her right now” that she snapped back to the present.

**

“You are a bloody idiot, you know that?”

Regina reluctantly tore her eyes away from Emma’s backside to the decidedly less pleasant sight of her sister sitting across from her. “I beg your pardon?”

“You. You’re an idiot. Why don’t you just hump her leg already?”

“I would never.”

“Fine then, let her tip the velvet. I’m sure she’s got plenty of experience at that.”

_“Please, baby, one more? I love your pussy so much.”._

_“God,” Regina whined. Emma hadn’t even taken her fingers out and she was begging to taste her again._

_“Is it too much?” _

_Regina shook her head. _

_“Good. One more time,” Emma murmured._

_She dove back in, positively ravenous now, acting as if her pussy was air, slurping and moaning as she ate. When she curled her fingers and flicked her tongue in rapid lines, Regina’s back left the bed entirely for a moment._

_Emma was tonguing her so eagerly now, giving everything, taking everything. She pulled her clit between her lips and flicked upward with her tongue, then switched to sucking steadily, staying with her even as her body folded up involuntarily as the tension built. _

_Regina was so close already, had not really even come down from the last orgasm. Soon her hips had stopped bucking, her body just twitching instead in no particular pattern, one wave of shudders after another as she rode the white-hot edge. _

_Then the pleasure exploded through her entire body all at once._

“I see that appeals to you,” Zelena taunted.

“You are so crass.”

“I’m so right. You’re mooning over her like some lovestruck puppy. You need to have a tumble and get it out of your system.”

“That’s it!” Regina shouted, slamming her hands down on the tabletop.

The diner fell so silent that you could hear a pin drop.

Glancing over at Emma, she said, “I’m sorry, I know we agreed that it was safer not to give anyone the leverage-”

“But we didn’t count on everyone being so annoying, yeah,” Emma agreed.

“I’m glad you agree.”

“Okay, listen up, Storybrooke,” Emma said, putting on her sheriff voice. “Regina and I are dating.”

There was a collective gasp.

“We have been for months,” Regina added. “Now can everyone please stop trying to play matchmaker?!” She stood up, leaving Zelena in the booth staring after her. “Shall we leave so they can gossip?”

“Love to.” She reached out and took Regina’s hand, and they walked calmly toward the door, leaving everyone still staring. Just before they reached it, Emma turned back. “Oh, and Ruby? Our record is 7. But I think we can break it.”

**Author's Note:**

> did you spot the Easter eggs? references to: 
> 
> -A Tempest in the Tearoom https://archiveofourown.org/works/1800112  
-Green-Eyed Monster https://archiveofourown.org/works/2319161  
-Earning It https://archiveofourown.org/works/1173954/chapters/2391534 and   
-Taste https://archiveofourown.org/works/2348579
> 
> most have been POV-swapped, all have been rewritten in more or less subtle ways the way an experience might change to be remembered rather than lived.


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